Owl

I met with H and S at The Oxford in Kentish Town before the Ambit magazine launch.  We caught up over pints and then headed over to the bookshop.  Once we had sat down I remembered it was where one of my favourite teachers launched her first novel.  There were poets reading, both of them were good.  The first was a neat greyish-white-haired man who had a Welsh accent (although, I always think people are Welsh and it is quite possible that I am wrong).  He had one poem about political non-shoe wearing in Ethopia that made me laugh.  And think.  http://www.chrisbeckettpoems.com/chrisbeckett/page2505 

The second was a woman with a lullaby voice.  There were some lines from one of her poems that I wanted to remember better but I can't.  *Brainwave*- oh how I love Google:

Were you a bird I’d eat the skin, bone, feathers of you.
 
Though I would save one bone, one feather,
not as a keepsake for that would be within me,
– having gorged your strength, your gentleness –
but to make a mark on clay or cuneiform, papyrus
or paper, use your bone to press keys, your iridescent
feather for a quill to form letters in the old way. 
- Ruth O'Callaghan, While Waiting For Bad News

Afterwards, we received a glass of complimentary red wine and bought books.  I am trying to save the local libraries by quelling my book-buying compulsion but The Owl is an independent and truly lovely bookshop, so it wasn't so much a purchase as a moral action.  H, S and I went to Pizza Express and continued chatting over dinner and more wine.  It was so nice to catch up.  We also devised a theory of broke-ness, whereby if you don't smoke or drive, you can consider yourself better off than your alternative self who does both.  It makes you feel full-pocketed when you think about it like that.  S is moving with T (her boyfriend) to Willesden in two weeks, so she will be closer-by.  It's nice- I always love London more when there is somebody to convince.  I have promised the sights of Epping Forest, the Hornbeam and Walthamstow Village.

It's odd; sometimes I have a strange perspective shift and I look at myself and other people as if I didn't know any of us.  I am the small, dark one with the common name (H and S both have unusual ones).  I am the unemployed one with the half-realistic ambitions.  H and S have long-term partners and "proper" jobs and realistic goals and very nice skin. So when the perspective shifts I feel as if I've been walking backwards since we all met.  For a few moments I feel disorientated... not jealous and not even sad, I don't think.  Just a bit bemused, like when you miss the Tube but your friend gets on and you blink in shock as they pull away... you know you'll probably meet them on the platform at the next station but it's still a weird feeling.

Keep building skywards.

I cannot wait to meet my tiny cousin.  It feels odd now, calling her "she" instead of "he-or-she."  Before she was born we all called her Bambino, so now I guess it's Bambina, until she has a name.  I'm so excited.  I can feel the bit of me her tiny head will rest on :-)  I already love her very much. 

My cousin C was on c5 news yesterday talking about contraception.  Proud of the family all round at the moment.

Mum, Dad and Bee (little sis) are back today.  It's been kind of nice just me and Bro in the house but it will be so lovely to have them back, too.  I can't wait to hear Bee's tales about Spain.

This week (starting today) I must:

• Meet my cousin.
• Stop listening to KH "Dear" so obsessively.  Seriously.
• Go to the Hornbeam and work tomorrow, not forgetting to bring: M's jacket; some writing on our project, as promised; some vague idea of the date so I don't commit to shifts I can't actually do.