In the small hours, I "slipped up" again. Fore-arm, this time. And for some reason, that feels like a much greater self-betrayal than top-of-thigh or shoulder. Looking at the marks, I felt deeply, deeply ashamed.
Today I went to the doctor. Not so much for the mood, but because feeling so dizzy all the time is starting to be worrying and draining. He was nice. Interested. I felt guilty, because I don't really like being asked questions about "why I started feeling like this" or whatever. He asked if I was suffering with "boyfriend trouble"- hahahahaha. For the very briefest second I thought of mentioning N but it is ridiculous, and I am fine, and I did not want to cry. Anyway, after looking in my ears and taking my blood pressure, he concluded that my dizziness was probably mood related. I was ready to start sobbing. BUT. He gave me anti-dizziness, anti-nauseant pills. And I don't mind so much if he thinks it's all "just" to do with mood, as long as that doesn't stop him from treating it. I don't mind at all.
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