One of my first girlfriends was a girl called Naomi. It was an on-and-off thing from 15 to 17. Tumultuous and over-emotional, as you can only be at that age. Unless, of course, you are me... but that's another story.
Anyway, time passed and we grew up. We became really close friends. She has a child now, a really lovely little boy. Our teenage relationship was forgotten, to the point where I couldn't consider loving her "like that" although she is someone I love. A best friend.
This year on my birthday, I wanted to go out for a meal. For months, Naomi had been persuading me to celebrate my 25th although dread made me not want to. So I invited those close to me and arranged to go out. Last minute, because of childcare arrangements, she couldn't come. I was a bit miffed but to be honest, I have no idea how hard it must be raising a little one. She said we would meet up the following week. I was meant to go to hers.
The day came and she didn't reply to my texts. She didn't reply the next day either. I started to get worried in case something was up with her or her son. I tried calling, then decided to give them space. Meanwhile, her Facebook suggested that she was still going out, talking to people. Her son was fine. Her life was okay. I sent a couple of messages asking if things were okay and she didn't reply.
Months passed.
One night, drunk, I did call a few times when I shouldn't have. But no matter- no answer. One more Facebook message, asking what I had done and whether we should delete each other.
No word.
Today, I went to check her profile. Not to be weird, or even to contact her but only to see what she's up to. And she's deleted me. One of the worst things about being "better" is that I feel things appropriately. I can't deny that this hurts because I can feel it, warm and soft like I imagine a rain-heavy cloud to be.
And I still don't know what I've done.
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