Tuesday 22 May 2012

Disorietntation

I went for a really good (really difficult) run. Jellying knees on firm ground, a battle between body and air.  It was sunny and taxing but it made me feel good about persevering. I smiled.  The scholarship sank in, finally.  For the first time in years, my life has a direction.  Not a "Where I see myself in five years..." and not a certainty but at least something to hold on to in shaky moments.

Then that weird thing happened- it has been a little while since the last time.  A sudden moment of having absolutely no idea where I was.  Not of being lost, just a total forgetting.  As if I could be anywhere/ nowhere... literally not recognising familiar surroundings.  It happened a lot in Amsterdam, towards the end.  It used to upset me.  Today  I didn't panic or anything.  It hasn't brought me down, not at all.  It was just peculiar, something I can't quite describe or explain.


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