I GOT THE AHRC SCHOLARSHIP.

So I have decided:

I am not allowed to complain about myself for a while; I have done well, so I must give credit.

I must look after myself better.  This is part of the "promise" I was embarrassed to elaborate on- I have been gifted with a life and I owe it to myself, and others, to look after it- no matter how it turns out.

The above includes, in the immediate future, getting a doctor's appointment for b12 this week and being absolutely honest about some of my less positive habits.